love makes seman taste better
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize