I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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