i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize