Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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