dude i'm inner monologue high
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
