cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
