this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Oh god it's open bar.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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