The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
