You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
