Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just gargled with NyQuil
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