the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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