i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
