And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
