Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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