I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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