Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize