my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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