What did we do last night that was yellow?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
