i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
