you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
