I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
