Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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