cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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