i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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