Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
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