my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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