After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
