We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
