ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
