i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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