Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
