The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
