at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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