I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize