my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
