He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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