my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
