then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
