We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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