I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
