I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
