Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
