Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
