He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
grandma shit on top of the toilet
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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