The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
