he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
