I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
