Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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