Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
