It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
honey bunches of taint.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize