I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
