dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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