I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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