I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
