1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
