Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
What did we do last night that was yellow?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
