you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
