john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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