dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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