the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
