you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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