kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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