You just made me feel so damn special
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
