i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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