There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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