dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
