The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
