i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The adults are the big ones right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
