A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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